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Trade Deadline Nears
What if we could trade politicians?
This is the time of year when trade talks heat up in the world of Major League Baseball. The trade deadline is July 31st. Our own World Champion Red Sox may be making moves, and it is always difficult to say goodbye to players you may have grown to like but easy to say good riddance to those who were a burden or who didn’t hustle or come through for the team. Maybe Bill Mueller or Bronson Arroyo will have to be traded to shore up the shaky pitching staff. They would be missed. But maybe we can unload Manny Ramirez and his huge salary and lazy, disrespect for the game. His bat will be missed, but good riddance to your attitude, dude!
Wouldn’t it be cool if we could trade politicians the way MLB trades players.
We could send Dean Esserman to LA for Bill Bratton. That way Esserman could have the Bill Bratton type career he wants, and Bratton could bail out of LA where he is largely striking out. Esserman’s good at getting guns off the street, and I hear LA has guns galore to keep him busy, plus they have larger numbers of stats to manipulate. Bratton could come to Providence and concentrate on quality of life issues as he did in New York when he brought crime under control and made Manhattan livable again. That trade would be a win/win situation for both cities.
We could trade our Mayor, David Cicilline, for Martin O’Malley, the Mayor of Baltimore. Remember Prov Stat, where we were going to be able to assess the performance of City Departments; well that was the brainchild of O’Malley who called it City Stat in Baltimore, where it really works. O’Malley could come here and show us how Prov Stat should work. Cicilline could go to Baltimore where drug dealing and violent crime are out of control, and he would have no choice but to pay attention to it and to develop a “get tough on crime approach." After Baltimore, cleaning up Providence would be child’s play for O’Malley.
When he’s not mayoring, O’Malley plays and sings in an Irish Band. He could save us money by playing free concerts in Waterplace Park as part of his Mayoral duties. Why pay musicians when you can have one as Mayor?
Would you engineer a trade of Harold Metts for Bill Cosby. I would.
Would you package Fox and Jackson together for some good prospects and a politician to be named later?
As the trade deadline approaches I’m trying to trade myself, but not too surprisingly, I’m not getting any takers: who would have me and what could you get in return. Who would you trade and who would you want?
Ok, ok, guys, just kiddin’. We wouldn’t trade any of you guys for all the tea in China.
You just better get your On-Base-Percentage up there with the league leaders.
Posted at July 29, 2005 10:13 AM